Things We’ve learnt in the UK!

Posted on September 1, 2011 by Goldwin

So this one is a Year overdue. I shall, however, pass it off as a nostalgia piece.  It’s been a year since we completed our stint at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. We have emerged out of the festival wiser, self reliant and with a strong love for good beef and beer.

This is the season where many aspiring,  soon to be heads of industries, academicians and also the I-don’t-know-what-I’m-doing-in-my-life-hence-phoren are headed to the UK or USA for further studies.  Since I have decided to take a more pro-active role in society I have decided to dispense some things we observed in the UK!

Things We’ve learnt (I say we because people read more about what the band has to say rather than what the Manager has to say[Down with the management, corporate scumbag])

- Stout is Awesome

- You’ve heard this before but let me remind you: UK is FUDGING expensive.  for e.g:  Six eggs will cost you more than 2 pounds. If you are into free range then it’s around  4 pounds. A bus ride costs around  1.20 pounds, yes that’s like taking a Rickshaw from Andheri (E) to Bandra Bandstand (Yes, I am from the Suburbs). Cabs also charge based on the number of passengers and luggage. So next time you hail a taxi in India be sweet and tip the guy something!

- The Pound Coin is really Heavy. Heavier than the old Rupee 5 coin. Don’t chuck it at anyone.

- The One and Two pence coins are pretty much useless unless you carry bags of it around. At least a 50 Paise coin buys you a mint here!

-  There is a Myth that Alcohol is cheaper. It’s Not. It works out the same. (Standard pour for spirits is 25ml not the 30ml we are used to)

- In Edinburgh, If someone says that a place is just around the corner, it generally means an hour’s walk.

- Beef Burgers at Local food places are amazing and decently priced. Its Cow meat and not Buffalo!! If you are a vegetarian, I can’t offer any suggestions. Sorry.

- Deep Fried Mars Bar may sound disgusting but on a cold day it can heat you up like a bonfire! It would be great if they  used Snickers bars!!

- Hospital food is surprisingly good and cheap. The portions are generous!

- The food industry is mainly run by the Turkish, Indian and Pakistani immigrants. It will help  if you know a few phrases from each language to guarantee you a good deal with food, extra toppings on your pizza and the local gossip!

- UK cuisine is not just about Fish and Chips, there is more to it. Beef, Bacon, Ham, (Put your favourite meat here)

-  Chips, Chippies = French fries and if you’re American then Freedom fries.     Crisps = Potato Chips.

- Whatever you do or don’t do, The Digestive biscuits covered in chocolate are a must have!

- A Sharpee is a Pen. Not a Knife.

- When you ask What’s Up?/What’s Happening , 90% of the time people will tell you. Nothing much is a rude response.

- You cannot go around calling people Uncle/Aunty, even if they are parents of your newly acquired friends. If you go around calling people Uncle or Aunty make sure they are really related to you or it will get awkward.

- Remember organic, free range means expensive. The happiness of farm animals and vegetables costs money.

- People follow Traffic lights, Lanes, Pedestrian crossings and queues. Something which takes time to get acquainted with.

- The Buckingham Palace is over-hyped. You might camp early in the morning to catch the Changing of the guard. It looks grand. The whole grandeur is lost when the band starts playing ABBA and the James Bond theme!

- The Parks are a great place to take a nap and waste sometime.

- Rules are Big in the UK. They run mainly by the book. So being a rebel can prove to be heavy on the pocket.

- If you are a smoker, God Bless your Wallet.

- Also, We talk real fast which leaves everyone confused!

- Colonization of India is not an acceptable way of asking for a discount.

- “Cheers” is the universal response for everything. Its a Thank you, a Welcome, a farewell and maybe even a diagnosis. Its Brilliant.

Thats all is can Recall for now. If need be I will bore you more with more unnecessary  details. Remember , in the UK, you are being watched 24/7. Wear Something Nice, Put on your Make up. Do wear a STR T-shirt so that Scotland Yard logs onto our Website!

Cheers!